Embracing Our Whole Selves: A Journey into Identity and Self-Esteem
In a world that often demands perfection - a definition that is continuously changing, it’s easy to lose sight of who we are. The pressure to conform to societal standards and expectations can leave us feeling fragmented, disconnected, and confused about ourselves and the many little parts of ourselves that make us feel whole. The journey towards embracing ourselves, including the parts we don’t always like or understand, requires courage, curiosity, and compassion. Taking the steps toward understanding and accepting all aspects of our identity can lead to improved self-esteem and a more fulfilling life. At East Side Therapy, we prioritize self-knowledge, authenticity, acceptance, and the exploration of truth.
UNDERSTANDING IDENTITY
Identity is the complex blend of characteristics, beliefs, values, and experiences that define who we are. It encompasses our personality, cultural background, personal history, and even our hopes and dreams. Each of us is a unique mosaic, pieced together from a plethora of tiles, from the different stages of our lives, and influences along the way. Some of these pieces we may not fully understand or appreciate.
However, our identities are not static. They evolve over time, shaped by new experiences, relationships, and self-reflection. This dynamic nature of identity means that we are constantly in a state of becoming, always learning more about ourselves, the world around us, and how we uniquely fit into it all.
The Role of Self-Esteem
Self-esteem simply put is our internal assessment of our worth and value. It’s influenced by our experiences, relationships, and the, often covert, messages we receive from society. High self-esteem is associated with positive self-regard and confidence, while low self-esteem often involves feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt.
Healthy self-esteem doesn’t mean we view ourselves as perfect; rather, it involves a balanced understanding of our strengths and weaknesses, and the separation of feedback from our sense of self-worth. It’s about recognizing our inherent worth as humans, while also acknowledging our areas for growth.
Embracing the Parts of Ourselves
To continue understanding ourselves, we must be willing to explore and give compassion to different parts of our identity, including the aspects we may not like or find difficult to accept. This process can be challenging, but giving space to these parts can teach us about ourselves, our relationships, and offer new perspectives on our lived experiences.
1. Recognizing the Unseen Parts
Often, the parts of ourselves we struggle to accept are those we’ve been taught to hide or suppress. These might include feelings of vulnerability, fear, anger, or shame. By acknowledging these emotions and the experiences that have shaped them, we can begin to understand how they influence our self-perception. This can look like exploring them in therapy, or journaling about the different parts of you that bubble to the surface throughout your day or week.
2. Cultivating Curiosity
Curiosity is a powerful tool for self-discovery. Instead of judging or criticizing ourselves for our perceived flaws or weaknesses, we can approach them with a sense of wonder. Ask yourself questions like: “Why do I feel this way?”, “Where did this belief come from?”, “Whose voice does this statement sound like?”, and “How has this part of myself served me in the past?”
This kind of compassionate inquiry can reveal the deeper roots of our self-perception, allowing us to address and heal old wounds, without dipping into patterns of shame or embarrassment.
3. Challenging Negative Narratives
Our self-esteem is largely shaped by the narratives we tell ourselves about who we are. These narratives are often co-authored by our upbringing, cultural context, and personal experiences through a lens of societal expectation. If we’ve internalized negative messages about ourselves, these can become self-fulfilling prophecies, limiting our potential and expectations of what we can become.
To challenge these negative narratives, we must first become aware of them. Reflect on the stories you tell yourself about your worth and capabilities. Are they based on evidence, or are they remnants of past experiences and external judgments? Do these narratives feel good and comforting, or do they feel painful or harmful? By having the courage to rewrite these narratives, we can create a more empowering and truthful story about who we are, and who we’d like to become.
practicing self-compassion
As we navigate the journey of self-discovery and self-acceptance, it’s crucial to practice self-compassion - but this can feel intimidating or scary if self-compassion is new for you. Self-compassion can look like treating ourselves with the same kindness and understanding that we would offer a friend. Reserving our self-judgement allows us a moment to pause and respond differently, and more aligned with how we’d like to view ourselves. Self-compassion helps us embrace our imperfections, lovingly give ourselves space to grow, and find connection in our shared humanity.
1. Mindfulness
Mindfulness involves being present with our thoughts and feelings without judgment. By observing our internal experiences with curiosity and acceptance, we can develop a more compassionate relationship with ourselves. This can look like journaling, dedicated quiet time, and slowing down to stay present in the moment.
2. Self-Kindness
Self-kindness means being gentle with ourselves, especially in times of difficulty or failure. Changing patterns and having the courage to try something new can feel uncomfortable! Instead of criticizing ourselves for our perceived shortcomings, we can offer words of encouragement and support, knowing that we are on a path we’ve decided on.
3. Common Humanity
Recognizing that everyone struggles and experiences moments of self-doubt can help us feel less isolated in our difficulties. Anyone you look up to has most likely spoken out about their experiences of questioning their worth or purpose. Understanding that imperfection is a natural part of the human experience allows us to connect with others and feel less alone.
4. Loving Support
In finding tailored support in redefining your narrative and exploring improved self-worth, you take the courageous step toward a more expansive life, aligned with your values. Therapy can offer a dedicated time and space to begin this journey.
MOVING FORWARD
Embracing our whole selves is a lifelong journey that requires ongoing self-reflection and growth. By being curious about all aspects of our identity and understanding the origins of our self-perception, we can cultivate a healthier sense of self-esteem and a more authentic and fulfilling life.
Remember, you are a complex and multifaceted individual with a unique story and continuous inherent worth. Allowing space for every piece of your identity brings with it the opportunity to embrace self-compassion, improve confidence, and honor the parts of you that got you to where you are today.
DISCOVER YOURSELF AT EAST SIDE THERAPY
Beginning your journey of self-exploration can seem daunting - you may not know where to start and that’s okay! East Side Therapy has a number of therapists who specialize in the areas of identity, self-esteem, and confidence. Having a knowledgable therapist is like having a trustworthy guide who can help ask the right questions, direct the conversation when you get stuck, and provide reassurance and validation that you are on the right track.
Learn more about our team of therapists OR schedule a free consultation call here.
more services at east side therapy
East Side Therapy offers a wide variety of mental health services for individual adolescents and adults, couples (poly and kink inclusive), and families. We provide virtual therapy throughout California, as well as in-person sessions at our Echo Park office in Los Angeles, CA. Our strong team of therapists specialize in issues such as depression, anxiety, trauma therapy, EMDR, LGBTQ+ issues, therapy for women and perinatal mental health, highly sensitive people, eating disorders, teen therapy, neurodivergence (ADHD, Autism, AuDHD), and more. Please visit our services page to read more about the types of therapy we offer and a full list of specialties. You can also read more about each of our therapists on our team page. For additional information, check out our FAQ, About Us, Groups, and Blog.
